After nearly 30 years, I’m back to speaking my mother tongue daily, and I find that I’m a stranger to the emotional nuance of English.
Warm words resonate deeper in Telugu. So do the harsh ones.
When I’m irritated or angry, Telugu words string themselves into harsh frames. I don’t seem to do that in English. I tried translating them into English and found that I was only forming statements without the harshness. Being surrounded by Telugu shows me a layer of anger I wasn’t aware of.
Similarly, the words my extended family uses in addressing me resonate with warmth the way the corresponding English terms (not just translations) don’t.
I believe what we experience in our childhood seeps in so much deeper. To me, Telugu is at once a cradle and a spitfire.
English is a clean slate. It has only surrounded my personal life after I’ve been an adult. I find living in English peaceful.
But Telugu gives me an insight into my childhood influences and the instincts that made me absorb these influences. It peels away the layers and shows me things I had been blind to.
Poetry in Life 