Category: Substance

Teaching Confidence – They Know Best

Last week I learnt about teaching confidence from my driving instructor. He was teaching me of crunching gears, stalling 4-wheelers and sliding-backward-down-a-slope cars.

“Will I clear that cart by the left?” I asked.

“You tell me,” said Mr Duggal, looking straight ahead. He’d never once look at me.

“Look out for the cart,” he didn’t shout like dad would.

The car rolled clear of the cart.

“You know best,” said Mr Duggal with the red eye. “And you know right. Have confidence in y’self,” he said.

***

Teaching confidence doesn’t come of cautioning your daughter to death.

It doesn’t come of putting the fear of God into your son.

Teaching confidence comes of letting them do their little things their own way.

It comes of talking about the big things and letting go.

Teaching confidence comes of holding yourself back from pouncing on their every move like a hawk over a mouse – leaving beneath a trembling mouse.

It comes of holding back from rubbing off on them your fears of Can They?

Teaching confidence comes of letting them know that you think They Can.

Who We Are

Who we are vs Who we aren’t.

If only we realized the difference, our lives would be simpler.

We aren’t just Doctors, Presidents, Ministers and Directors. Nor are we just daughters, sons, fathers, mothers or more. These are just the names, the manifestations – the clothing over ourselves.

What, then are we?

The sum total of –

• Our dreams & Our desires
• The stuff within ourselves that makes us work hard and with great pleasure to achieve the things of our dreams and our desires
• The stuff within ourselves that prevents us from doing so
• That which makes us respond to people with goodness and kindness
• That which makes us respond to people with harshness and selfishness

These are just some of the things that make up what we are.

If we realize this, it becomes hard for us to elevate people by their titles, homes, vehicles and clothing. It becomes hard for us to ignore people for the lack of these same things.

Unkindness and being covetous no longer get cloaked in money and power. Goodness in the small places will then find recognition and a place in our hearts.

We begin responding to people by their inner selves and not their outer ones.

We recognize the truth in our lives. That, I believe is the beginning of a satisfied life. A happy life – whether good happens to us or not.

If we realize this, We have Made it in Life, Whether we Make it in the World or Not.

We will no longer force ourselves to become the outer manifestation. We will do what we are here to do.

We will not force our children to become the manifestation. We will let them be. We will set them free to do what their inner selves drive them inexorably to do.

And we’ll leave the world a richer place. If only we realized this inner truth of Who we Are.

Why should we go for the Substance?

Because working with substance brings us deep happiness. It is The Path – a path of deep commitment.

The happiest among us are the ones committed to a positive cause – it is our substance.

To some it’s music.

To me, it’s putting thought and imagination in words that others feel is their own thought, incident or life.

To some it’s to see a smile on the face of a child, a disadvantaged, an aged, or an infirm.

To yet others it is to erase a pain in the lives of others – emotionally or physically.

We are driven to these paths in our life. And in the path lies our happiness. Because, these definitions are our own – not what the world attributes to us.

When you choose to take the path of the form rather than the substance – of obsessing over the creation of a beautiful face, of putting clever words on paper or screen, of counting the reams of publicity rather than the words of worth from customers, of appreciating your status as a rock star rather than of a musician, you are creating a plane of non-happiness, of fleeting limelight and self-importance for yourself.

As a company, you are doomed to mediocrity or worse to death.

As a person, you are doomed to live with a gap in your soul – which the entire world cannot fill – because it is for you to fill and you aren’t about to.

Form & Substance

Form is the face of things, while Substance is the real thing – the inner stuff.

Beneath the visible Form lies Substance. It’s easy for us to fall for the form because it doesn’t always reflect the substance in the short-term. In the long-term, yes the substance reveals itself to all but the blind-folded.

It’s like the tip of the iceberg showing above the ocean line while the huge bulk lies hidden beneath. That’s just why a long courtship is the best way to judge the substance. And a discerning eye.

While it takes a knack for separating the wheat from the chaff in the short-term, it takes a particular ostrich-headedness to be unable to do so in the long term.

Take for example, the face and the real human beneath. We fall for a beautiful face on sight. Much later do we see the lack of substance beneath.

Look at companies that pour their time and money on publicity and media glare because it is the most visible form of communication in the large companies. They fail to see the strong groundwork that accompanies such high levels of publicity – including the channel building, the roadshows and conferences, taking the time to meet customers and customer service itself.

Look at those who fall for a good word or a clever turn of phrase. Momentary pleasure, nothing more. It’s the depth of thought carried in the word that makes it memorable. The rest falls by the wayside.

Or as I saw in a recent TV show, a participant’s desire to become a rock star rather than a great musician.

It’s true that form gives the feel of perfection, of beauty and completeness to the substance. But, by itself it becomes meaningless. Its relevance comes out of the substance. To put it loosely, it becomes a reflection of a solid substance.

The face reflects the substance – watch the eyes and the lines on the face if you want to look inside.

Publicity is a reflection of your successful work not the other way round.

The perfect word reflects the depth of thought you try to convey.

The rock star is just the reflection, the musician is the substance.

When it comes to judging others, many of us make the mistake of falling for the form before we’ve had a chance to take a deep look at the substance. Plenty of times, we don’t allow ourselves to look at the substance.

Within ourselves, when we work on the form rather than the substance, we’ve made a habit of cultivating the superficials or worse still, we haven’t cultivated the depth needed to look into the substance.

The best of humans can make a mistake of judgement in the short term. In the long run, you just can’t miss it unless the truth is too bright for us to look at – because then we may have to revisit our own worth and ethic.