Category: Trust

Creating Trust

Some are wired to trust. Others to distrust.

I choose to trust. It’s a happier way to live life.

But when we want to trust others, we have to give them a reason to trust us too. How do we do that?

  • We shall not cheat or lie
  • We shall deliver what we promise
  • We shall be open and fair
  • We shall not be quick to take offense
  • We shall not intrude into others’ space through thought, speech or action.

It could be the most uncomfortable thing to do. Yet, we need to do it consistently irrespective of what people think. Sometimes it means saying what others don’t want to hear. Other times it means not saying things they want to hear because it’s not the truthful thing to say.

But when we do these uncomfortable things, we create a close circle of family and friends who make our own lives meaningful and stable.

It’s strange how often we make it impossible for others to trust us. When we do that, we take away their peace of mind. We intrude into their personal space in the most negative manner. We make the world a darker place.

Why create such a place when we can so easily create a better world by giving others plenty of chance to trust us?

 

Experiments in Life – Learning to Trust

The world’s as good or as bad as we think it is. And a hell of a lot happier if we see the good side of it.

Are people trustworthy? If you say yes, you are an optimist. If you say no, you are a pessimist. It’s your outlook.

Our relationship with family, friends, colleagues and strangers is based on a sense of trust. Trust that when you ask for help, by and large people will help you. Trust that when you help them, they will by and large appreciate it.

I once gave a few thousand rupees to an acquaintance in need. I forgot the amount – I didn’t expect her to be able to pay me back.

She kept telling me that she would return it when she had some money on hand – that she hadn’t forgotten it. And one day – about 5 years after the incident, she came all the way to my house and insisted that I take the money back.

After a complicated house sale, part of which she invested in a smaller house, she had started paying off all her debts – mine included. By now her husband had suffered a paralytic attack and passed away over a year ago. And she wasn’t left with much after all the debts were paid. Yet, she insisted.

I wasn’t wrong in taking the money back. But I wished I didn’t have to.

The lady left me with so much warmth. Full of gratitude she was for my small help when she was in need she said. I didn’t need to hear her gratitude – but it showed me the other side of ego and pride – where we accept help with humility.

With a few thousand rupees at stake, it was an invaluable experience that continues my trust in the goodness of humans.

Set aside some money, some help, some time of yours and do something for others when they need it.

Don’t expect a return.

If in 1 case out of 10, your help is acknowledged and returned, it adds a wealth of trust in us. It lightens our hearts.

A lot of times, even the way our help is accepted teaches us a lesson in acceptance and gratitude.

Cover-ups breed Incompetence

When you cover-up, you are saying its ok not to give your best.

It percolates down to the bottom member of your team. Deep into your systems and processes. Into your people and their mindsets.

Because when you see a problem, you start keeping it to yourself – and to your organization – hoping to correct it quietly. No open discussion over the root cause issues. No collective intelligence to sort it out.

Firstly, this breeds incompetence, leading you to more – and more – situations where you blunder and perform beneath capacity. It becomes your culture – personal or organizational. Your employees will begin following your example.

Secondly, instead of admitting an error to your customers and facing it openly, you are leaving your downstream people to handle it – the ones least experienced, with the least info at their hand and significantly, the ones for lack of clarity and authority, are likely to be the most inadequate in handling the situation – caught between the customer and the organisation’s directives.

When you speak out it’s a single stance you are taking, and you are taking a stance. All your employees need to do now, is follow your lead.

When you leave it to them, you leave it open to multiple responses. No matter what you direct them to do, they will answer differently, depending on their nature, relation with customer and the situation.

The dualness of response would not just confuse the customer, but put them off too. Plus, it leaves them with a stronger impression of your incompetence.

Thirdly, when you force your employees to take on the tough job of facing the customer while you seat yourself behind, you lose your own employees’ trust. Trouble is, when you cover-up from the outsider, it becomes a habit and you start covering up from the insider too. Your employees sense it. On the one hand, it’s the beginning of distrust. On the other, they begin to look to you to cover up their incompetencies too.

For more on the Cover-up series, search my blog for the key word Cover-ups.

Cover-ups and Drunks

Cover-up a blunder and you are a lot like the drunk. In the first instance, the drunk will not admit to being drunk – doesn’t matter that it’s visible to the world.

Second, when forced to, the drunk may make a promise to the few who confront him (or her for that matter), but will go back to it, by night or noon ‘cause it was a forced admission.

Third, the drunk who’s been forced to confess will not go to rehab that’s needed to keep him off the drink.

Result? People lose confidence – you’ve taken away their reason to trust you.

Trust comes with openness and transparency. The ability to go back and say, “Look I’ve made a mistake. I’m very sorry. This is what I’ll do to make it easy or safe for you. And this is what I’ll do so that it doesn’t repeat in future.”

That’s 3 Rules of Trust – 3 big, straight-forward promises.

  1. The apology – being open and being contrite
  2. Act fast – to correct the mistake
  3. Act for the future – to prevent the mistake

So when Johnson & Johnson issued Tylenol recall promptly, communicated to all, matched it with action by withdrawing the product from the shelves and didn’t stop there, but introduced tamper resistant packaging that would prevent future, deliberate poisoning, it met the 3 rules of retaining trust in the face of adversity. And over a couple of decades after the incident, they still are remembered and respected for their prompt action.

It isn’t as if there isn’t a blip. But the blip is temporary and people do tend to come back to your fold if you meet the 3 rules. Because, you are making a promise, a commitment to deliver, and a commitment to the other’s safety – and acting on it.

By hiding your mistake, you are telling the person that you are more interested in saving your face and your money at their expense. Not in making life easier for them, nor in saving them.

People do understand your need for caution. But not at their expense.

You don’t get many chances. Sometimes not another. So use what you’ve got. And remember The 3 Rules of Trust.

Follow the blog for more posts in the Cover-up Series.