The Year That’s Past

I woke one middle of the night a week ago with my shoulders hunched. The saddest things of the year stood out in my mind. The things that I was to achieve but didn’t, the people who had passed on and the friends who were going through setbacks – these things went round and round in my head.

The year couldn’t have been that bad! I decided then to make a list for the year that was past.

Many good. Some harsh. Some not so good, but others have had it worse. This is my list for the year gone.

• Moved fully out of corporate. Not even part time sitting in offices any more. Considering that I am far more comfortable sitting by myself and writing than interacting and handling the thousand other things that happen in offices, this is one grand achievement for me.
• Wrote the Nilgai story. Got decent reviews from friends and family.
• Began rewriting Nilgai story and it sounds far better.
• Got first cheque from the first freelance client’s client.
• Trouble for friend from all sides. They are reaching a peak.
• Got call for another freelance work.
• Got legally divorced.
• Learnt the value and warmth of my in-laws once more.
• In regular touch with niece.
• Got control over what I eat. I don’t know how it came about, one morning I woke and I no longer wanted to snack at all hours. What relief!
• More involvement in meditation.
• Started Reiki again at the very end of the year.
• Talking to mom and dad and sis and cousins regular.
• Less irritability. Feels more peaceful.
• Enjoying driving the car.
• Did the second freelance work. Vexing, but done.
• I pick up the courage to ask uncle, if my children story writing future will work. He was categorical. He said it should have happened last year. But go ahead beta he said. Nothing to look back, be it stories, be it money.
• Uncle has stood by me from the darkest time of my life to the time when the sun is rising again. He’s been a guide to me for a full 10 years. This year he passed on. He’s the one I looked up to for advice, a look into the future and guidance these past years when there didn’t seem to be a road ahead. A lump in the throat even now.
• My uncle, dad’s brother, who treated us as his own, passed on. We all believed he had a good decade and more. Too early for him. Too painful for us. Heartbreaking for cousins who need him still. Can’t get my head around the fact that he’s not walking in that house any more.
• At least got the chance to be with him in September.
• Brother-in-law steps in to support family in his quiet way.
• Finished a kid’s short story.
• Publisher wants to see the full manuscript.
• Ghost writing a book for the first client.
• Ghost writing offer confirmed from another client.
• Friend getting married. Whoopee!
• Got another story idea when thinking of daughter. It’s one I can’t just set aside, a must write story. Can’t wait to begin!

Even after making this list, when I sit alone, the first things that come to mind are the difficult ones. But now, I have this list and there are so many things to be grateful for.

When my shoulders hunch, all I have to do is look at this list.