In trying to get my point across… 

…I’m learning to let go.

Stage one: I wanted people to accept my view. If they didn’t, my ego was hurt. That wasn’t a nice feeling at all.

Stage two: I can’t always get my point across. That used to be terribly frustrating.

Stage three: I needed the person to indicate they’ve heard me. People have their reasons for not always doing that. I think I’ve come some way in recognizing this fact and letting it be.

Stage four: The other person argues back, and the tone sounds like an attack on my viewpoint. The argument is meaningful sometimes, but I still find the tone hard to handle. When I respond to the tone, it leaves a residue.

Stage five: The person goes off on an argumentative tangent. I get carried away by the tone, my voice rises, and I’m responding to the tangent. By now, I want to have the last word as much as the other person wants to. The learning is to remain in the moment. Currently, I’m unable to do that. Typically, it happens with people with whom I have a history of such interactions.

In all these stages, it’s as if the self is already geared to respond in kind. What we call samskaras—psychological imprints. Crossing each stage is about erasing these imprints.